Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Are you feeding your child's weaknesses and creating a bully?

It is our God given duty to train a child up in the way they should go.  Yet, as I look around me I see so many children and adults who are spoiled, demanding, temper tantrum throwing, violent bullies with an inflated sense of entitlement.  If their parents had disciplined them and given them boundaries immediately when they stepped over the line they would have created a safe and secure environment for that child to grow into a balanced, kind, and loving adult.  Weaknesses could be worked on and turned into strengths.  By not correcting bad behavior and just excusing it all the time you feed those bad behaviors and they become the dominate driving force that allows that child to bully everyone including the parent because they have been taught it is ok to treat people that way.

I know parents who won't take action because they are afraid they are going to loose the love and respect of their child.  What they don't see, but everyone around them do see, is that they do not have the love and respect of their child. They lost it by not enforcing boundaries and teaching that child that there are consequences to their actions.  I see grown "adults" bullying their parents and every time that "child" is negligent they blame it on the parent.  Then I see the parent fall into the role of victim. They make excuses for the "child" and start saying about how they (the parent) are responsible for the situation.   What a load of Crock!   That is classic abuser and victim mentality!

I used to say I never understood why people stayed with abusers and condemn them, until it happened to me.  I was fortunate in that I had been raised to believe I was better than that. I escaped, it wasn't easy and took time and the support of my family but, I learned my lesson and got out. I heard the voice of the Lord whisper to me constantly that the relationship I was in was wrong and toxic and damaging to everyone around me. My abuser isolated me and beat me up and worse.  But, because of the strong presence of the Lord in my life and a family who prayed for me and helped me as soon as I asked, I became stronger, I have empathy for those caught in toxic relationships and are being abused. I recognize abusers and victims and am often able to give them some encouragement that  will bring them closer to becoming free and follow the path God has called them to walk. This does not mean I have sympathy for them or tolerate toxic people in my life.  Because, I absolutely have no room for those type of people.

One of the things an abuser will do is take the object of their "love" and spread seeds of doubt about all the other people in their lives. They will start to doubt what they know about those who really love them.  On the surface an abuser is very charming and charismatic, you are drawn to them and don't even realize that they have taken over and are now controlling your life.   I am now seeing this take place in the lives of people I care about. It breaks my heart to see it.  I'm praying and fighting for them. I will see them fulfill the Call of the Lord on their lives!

On a lighter note, here is a photo of Shorty who recently placed in a glam pageant.  Not really, just a bit of photo fun, but, he was truly a good sport about it.

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